Have you ever questioned the purpose of smiling through pain? What is the point of pretending to be happy?

I thought this time of my life ended after overcoming sexual abuse.

These times will reappear in our lives. Even as coworkers call you names or bash you behind closed doors without getting to know you, you are still expected to go to work every day, say “Good Morning” in order to not be rude and put on a smile in spite of them. You could be a teen being bullied yet going to school daily with a fake smile, a phony laugh and a very real internal frown.

Despite how much it hurts to be blatantly disrespected (yet you are expected to smile) and talked about negatively when you are giving your all (yet you are expected to smile), there are ways to cope.

1. Wash away what you see with your tears. 

Sometimes we feel we have to find or “catch” negative people in action. When you see it, you either retreat in shame or you become defensive and try to clear your name. In both scenarios, you are human and your feelings are hurt. As much as you try to believe that you don’t care, the truth is that you do. Find a private setting- at home or during a break-and release your frustration through your tears. It is fine to cry no matter how old you are. A good cry flushes us of stored up pain and gives us a refreshing in our lives. Often we see our way better going forward after removing the debris with a washing of tears.

2. Drown the sound of negativity with uplifting words and music. 

There are moments during the day that you may sit and dwell deeply on the people and issues that have hurt you. Stop allowing your mind to race with rampant, negative thoughts and instead listen to music that encourages you. That spiritual song, upbeat dance hit or ballad with moving words will allow your thoughts to move in a more positive direction. Remember to smile while you sing along: it looks good on you.

3. Take your hands away from annoying work and pick up a pleasing hobby. 

You may need to take a step back and take a break. because life can be exhausting! It can be overwhelming to keep trying to move forward in life while hurting. Do exactly that—take a break! Pull out your needle and thread and finish making your crochet top. Pull out your favorite book and read the next chapter. Look through a favorite magazine and clip images and powerful words for your next vision board. Whatever your hobby, step back from the cares of the world and enjoy it!

4. Stop inhaling the scent of rotten attitudes and light a candle. 

Being constantly around negativity is  both toxic and contagious. Do not allow the poison (and those poisonous people) to contaminate you. Instead, utilize a little aromatherapy to aid the mind, body and spirit through the use of vital oils and fragrances. They create a pleasing atmosphere and stimulate the senses. An unknown author once said a smile can brighten the darkest day. Smile and light a candle to brighten your own days.

5. Stop taste-testing nasty words spoken over you by repeating them. Taste affirmations and truth instead.

Unkind words hurt. How many times have your replayed in your mind or repeated to someone else the malicious things spoken about you? You often repeat this information out of anger, trying to convince someone that these words are not true. Stop, stop, STOP, replaying filth! Replace what you have heard with positive statements about yourself. If someone refers to you as lazy, replace the thought with a powerful phrase like: I am a hardworking individual who is destined to shine in all that I do!

6. Keep smiling!

There will be days that you just do not feel like pretending anymore. You are tired of the fakeness that exudes from those around you. You are tired of the heavy work load and you are just tired of being tired, period. Even though you may feel that way, do not act that way! Keep smiling. Smile harder. Remember the saying you can catch more flies with honey than you will with vinegar.